Chained, scratched, and tied down. I was living in a set of rules; and, I did not know it was eating me up. Constantly, I would find myself lost in the abyss scratched, and tied down with the biggest rule of all: you are not allowed to fall in love. I restricted myself from loving romantically, not knowing that I was forming a different notion on love: love was unpleasant. This affected the different aspects of my life, and caused me to feel broken. Often, I would find myself isolated with everyone thinking that if I would share the emptiness I was feeling with others, they would not understand. I felt misunderstood, unloved, and dictated. I prevented myself from feeling and experiencing romantic love, not knowing that I was hurting myself in the process, chaining, scratching and tying myself down.
I cried and prayed to God to help me through; and, indeed He revealed Himself to me through the Love Forum we had in our district’s core overnight. I was able to open up and ask questions, realizing that people do understand and care. Through this, I was able to understand love in its purest and wonderful form; that it is not a set of rules and it is okay to feel this kind of love; that it is one of the most beautiful and exciting thing there is; and, that no one is and will ever be restricted to love romantically. I realized that we cannot simply pattern the story of our love lives on others because we have our own, and God has graced us with this wonderful gift in His most precious time.
I thank God for being the sweeter song – the melody in which I will join without having to tie myself down. I have learned, and I am decided to immerse myself more in God and Mother Mary; to pray for their guidance and to tell them everything that happens in my life. I am decided to let people guide me and pray for me by telling them what is happening in my life. I am decided to not compromise but instead, to follow God’s standards, such as: to be pursued in the way I deserve; my suitor would have to ask my parents’ permission and would have to love and show importance to the people most dear to me. Yes, it may be tough laying down my convictions and standards; but I know in my heart, with God’s grace I will be strong and guarded. I am hopeful for my love life along with all the other aspects of my life. I know that God is holding my life on the palm of His hands; and, as my Father and Promise-keeper I know He will never leave me – His daughter and princess – in this battle. I am and will forever be thankful that God has yet again made a way to let my heart be at peace and filled with so much hope.
by Maureen Causing